Responding to “The Call”

Hi, my name is Julia and I am a cradle Catholic.

I’ve been Catholic all of my life. I’ve never left the Church. I’ve never “experimented” with my faith. I’ve always been Catholic and because of that I think I have really taken it for granted. But I’ll get back to that later.

As a Catholic with over 12 years of private Catholic education under my belt, I grew up hearing that God calls all of us to respond to a vocation. This vocation could be anything, but I always most associated it with being called to the religious life. I mean, how often do we hear an amazing, inspiring story about a priest or sister and how they knew they were being called to religious life. And, oh, how I wanted that neon sign call, that obvious “Hey, God wants you to do THIS” call.

Of course, not every priest or sister or other religious person had that kind of call. Not even every saint had that kind of sign from God. But that’s what I wanted. That’s what I felt like I needed. “Hey God, please just hit me over the head with whatever it is you want me to do so I can just know. Thanks”.

From middle school all the way through college, my favorite subject in school was English. I love all things literature. I even love grammar. I went out of my way to take extra English classes in high school and college any chance I could. It made sense to me senior year that I would pursue a degree in creative writing. Then one of my best friends at the time told me a story about her sister, who is a Speech-Language Pathologist. And wow. It changed everything. Without even learning more about what it would entail, I applied to be in the Communication Disorders program at Truman State University. I enjoyed my classes, made amazing friends, and learned more than I could have ever imagined. After a while, though, I began to wonder, is this really what I’m “called” to do?

I hadn’t really put that much thought into it. Being an SLP would pay way more than a freelance poet. I valued financial security. I knew that was something I wanted for my future family. But had I really thought about it much more than that?

My great-grandfather passed away during finals week the first semester of my third year at Truman. It hit me hard and I felt a lot of guilt leaving family behind when I came back from winter break, so after three years at Truman, I transferred to Fontbonne University. And what did I do? I stayed in the same major, even though I had already been questioning it for some time, and a painful meeting with the head of the Communication Disorders department at Truman probably should have steered me in a different direction, but I was stubborn. I started this thing, I ought to finish it. Besides, how many more years of loans could I really stand? As an SLP, I could probably pay them off.

While at Fontbonne, again I had that nagging feeling. I stuck with the SLP program. I took the classes, worked in the clinic, did my observations. But every chance I could, I took a class on education. Was I being called to something else? Had I been mishearing God this whole time? I couldn’t possibly start over. Student loans, though.

I graduated from Fontbonne University in May of 2017 with a Bachelor’s of Science in Speech-Language Pathology. I am proud to say that. I’m not proud of the loans, but hey, I graduated! Am I going to grad school? No. Am I working in the Speech-Language Pathology field? Again, no.

Before I graduated, I started working at a daycare center, where I still work part-time. I have found that there is nothing I love more than watching little ones grow and learn. While this job doesn’t quite pay the bills like I wish it could, it is incredibly rewarding. That being said, I still needed to figure out what on earth my “vocation” is. “Hey, God. Still waiting”.

I took another part-time job, this time at a school. As of this week, I have been working at St. John Paul II Preparatory School for a year. Last year I was the 2nd grade teacher’s aide. This year I will be aiding both 3rd and 4th grade. The first week or two of this job, I didn’t know if I was going to like it at all. By the end of the first semester, I loved it. I love the kids, the teachers and staff, the families, and possibly most importantly, the faith.

Something I hadn’t realized I was lacking in was a faith community. Truman had an amazing Catholic Newman Center that kept me going in some of the darkest times, but I lost that when I left. JPII also have something special about it that Truman’s Newman Center didn’t have.

JPII is a very classic and traditional faith community, something I hadn’t really had since elementary school. Even then, the “old fashioned” tradition didn’t go much beyond the hymns and the few old ladies that still were veils to mass (something else I will be coming back to). At JPII, we teach the kids Latin and sing the mass parts in Latin. We even have a Latin mass once a year. We have mass every other week. Several of the teachers wear veils to mass (even young ones). We kneel to receive communion on our tongues. There is this incredible sense of reverence at JPII that honestly can be hard to find these days. It was something I didn’t even realize I was missing, something I was desperately needing.

Since one of the first masses I attended at JPII, I have been fascinated by these young women wearing veils. That seemed like such an outdated thing. Why were they doing it? Like I said before, growing up I was used to seeing a few older ladies wearing them at mass, but I always thought it was just because they were old, and old habits die hard. But now I was in a totally different realm. Women who grew up in a post-Vatican II Church were veiling at mass.

For months, I honestly only really thought about it when we were at mass. Beyond that, it was out of sight, out of mind. Until last week. The teachers had a special mass, in preparation for the new school year (that starts tomorrow!!). Again, I was in a room with women wearing veils (even one near my age). I finally started to get the picture. “OK, God. I’ll Google it”.

And so I did. Immediately I found Veils by Lily. I found the FAQ page and read every word. I downloaded the free printable fact sheet. I scrolled and scrolled through the site. Read the blog posts. Less than 24 hours later, I found myself doing something I never in a million years would have seen myself doing. I bought a veil. A veil to wear to church. What?!

OK, OK, what does this have to do with “Responding to ‘The Call'”? I think the kind of obvious theme here is that I’m not very good at listening to God. Or even hearing Him. I don’t know what I am doing with my life. Honestly, no idea. But a little less than a year ago, God began calling me. No, it wasn’t the “What is my vocation?” call I had been hoping for (well, I don’t think it was, but I’ve learned to never assume I know God’s plan). God was calling me to take a step outside of my comfort zone (nice and vague, thanks, God).

OK, so what does that mean? Where does that take me? I had already taken on a new job in a new place with new people. What else do You want from me? Well, a few months after starting this new job, I learned about a direct sales company called Color Street (which I wrote about here). Could this be it? I thought about it for MONTHS. Could this really be what God is calling me to do? Well, it couldn’t hurt to try. I took the leap. I joined an awesome company with an awesome product that I love. I met awesome people, built a community, and I had fun. But it was also hard. And I struggled. And I felt like I was doing everything wrong. “OK, God. Really? What am I supposed to be doing right now?”

Well, after almost 5 months with Color Street, I came to the conclusion that while, yes, God was definitely telling me that I need to step out of my comfort zone, this was not what He meant. Last night I decided I need to take a step away from Color Street. I do hope to some day go back to that awesome team I got to work with, but for now, I need to walk away.

That call to step out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t a vocational call. It was something much smaller and more personal. It was a call to wear that veil. That may not seem like a huge leap from one’s comfort zone, but when you are as reserved and introverted as I am, it is kind of a big deal. It is something people will notice, which means (gasp) people might actually want to talk to me. While the thought of being questioned about my decision to veil at mass does make me a little nervous, ever since making this decision (and purchase), I have felt this overwhelming sense of peace that I have been searching for, for years. I am excited about veiling at mass. I am embarking on a new spiritual journey to bring me closer to God, and maybe even bring others closer to Him, too.

I would like to ask that you pray for me as I take on this new journey. If you have any questions about my decision to wear a veil at mass, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I am still learning about it myself, but am happy to share what I know and what lead me to this decision more in depth.

We are all called to something. Yes, I am still trying to figure out my true vocational call. But some of the things God calls us to are much smaller than that. It may be hard to hear Him, but with an open heart, eventually all things become clear.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s